Bonding Without Breastfeeding

Bonding Without Breastfeeding 

 Aimee and Iris’s Story: 

My lowest point as a mother was the first time I was alone with my daughter. She woke up and was screaming from hunger. I felt like the worst mum in the world. She was a few weeks old and fed every few hours but had been asleep and I was busy getting the laundry folded so I hadn’t warmed up a bottle from the fridge. I went straight to the kitchen when she woke up and started running the bottle under the tap, all the while she was screaming in my arms and grabbing at my chest. That’s when a wave of guilt washed over me because I wanted to be able to provide her with the perfect drink, at the perfect temperature without making her wait. I wanted to be able to let her latch onto my breast and feed. When my husband came home later that evening, I told him she deserved a better mum and cried. We still talk about it now because, with all those postpartum hormones raging, I was just overwhelmed. 

 

I was mentally prepared before I gave birth. I chose to have a mastectomy in 2021, and my daughter was born in 2024. I had time to prepare and to think logically about the benefits of removing my greatest risk, but nothing prepares you for when those hormones hit. Logic goes out the window and you’re left with pure raw emotion and instinct. The instinct is for baby to latch and you to feed, but you can’t. I had a nipple sparing mastectomy and was shocked when my nipples changed size and shape to feed her later in my pregnancy; they took weeks to return to normal so she would try latching whenever she was on skin to skin. But I persevered with skin to skin as it does boost their immune system by sharing good bacteria from the skin of the mother and promotes bonding regardless of breastfeeding. It was hard to know she couldn’t get what she wanted though. 

 

I’m a huge advocate for skin to skin. About 5 days after giving birth, skin to skin was the only thing that stopped me shivering. At one point I asked the midwife about it, and she said it was possible my milk hormones were trying to stimulate milk production but had nowhere to go, so flooded my system. Honestly, we still don’t know to this day, but I do know my body needed her and she needed me as much as any woman who breastfeeds her baby. We’ve even been told we’re so well bonded it’s hard to believe I never breastfed which just goes to show the power of skin to skin. 

 

We’re now 6months in and she’s weaning. I love feeding her in the unique ways I can with the recipes I enjoy and have put care and effort into. It feels like I have control over our feeding journey fully now I’m not only relying on formula. I love bonding over food at dinner times and showing her how to eat (I eat with my hands a lot more now). It’s healing some of those guilty feelings I once had (however misplaced they were). 

 

I got so in my head about it all, but she’s barely bothered when she gets a cold, has shown no food allergies (despite me having them) and is so tall for her age people think she’s almost a year old! All the worries I had will melt away as the months and years pass because not a single soul will be able to tell my healthy little girl was never breastfed. I wish someone had told me how much easier it would get when I was in the trenches of the newborn stage and struggling to bottle feed. It will get easier. Your baby will be fine. You’re a great mum. Your chest will always be their favourite place to curl up even if you’ve not got the right equipment there! 

 

Thank you Aimee. We are beyond grateful to you for sharing your journey with us. Xx