Handing over to our lovely Debbie, who shares her experience of having a mastectomy (aesthetic flat closure), and a salpingo oophorectomy before turning 40. Debbie highlights the truths about the menopause, and questions how little many of us know (ain’t just hot flushes peeps). XxX
“I have always felt conflicted having the BRCA1 gene – I have felt both privileged to know – being able to take preventative measures which so many less fortunate do not have the option of (previvor’s guilt is definitely a thing), and also resented having this wonky gene – meaning I have had to make decisions about my body which peers have never had to consider.
This feeling is stronger around the menopause I am now entering at 39 after my salpingo oophorectomy. It becomes more prevalent when talking to peers just how little the average 39 year old knows about the menopause- hot flush anyone?! Which is absolutely not their fault as it is not yet their issue and as such, I feel sad (and a little lonely on a low day) that it is already my problem and something I have had to research for so long to ensure I can advocate for myself on and fully understand my BRCA journey.
I had an amazing genetics counsellor who wasn’t afraid of hard truths while simultaneously mourning for my BRCA results like a mother (Frauke – if you’re out there, you’re wonderful ♥️) and knew immediately that I would have preventative surgeries, as terrifying and abstract as that seemed at first but I knew I couldn’t handle the constant anxiety between screenings. I threw myself in to Instagram hashtags to perv on as many DMXs as possible, figuring out what I thought of each one, what I was drawn to, taking note of how I felt inside while thinking about them on me and it was a quick process to figure out that I absolutely couldn’t imagine having fake boobs! Either man made or made out of my own body, I just couldn’t imagine feeling them and them being an actual part of me. Somehow in my head they would always feel separate, or ‘other’.
‘Not Putting on a Shirt’ was an amazing account to follow having decided this, as was ‘The Boobless Wonder’ and ‘Plattnormen’ – looking at so many photos, normalising how I would look. Ideally I’d have liked to keep my nipples, while going flat, but my surgeon said it wasn’t an option. In this patriarchal world to ‘go flat’ I had to be put forward for a psychological assessment before they would agree to it, presumably because it’s all catered around aesthetics and the male gaze, which makes me pretty angry. My surgeon never stopped reminding me that I could have reconstruction later in life until the day of my surgery, I’m fairly sure if I was having recon I wouldn’t have had such reminders. There are no such assessments if you opt for ovary removal – disabling your fertility and bringing on the menopause! 🤷♀️
I have 100%, for me, made the right decision choosing Aesthetic Flat Closure. It’s been a really positive experience and I actually have got more body confidence now than I did before. Something about feeling more streamlined – especially as my pre kids fairly large boobs had become post kids fairly droopy boobs! Clothes actually fit better, I don’t get under boob sweat, I don’t have to wear a bra, my posture is better as I’m not trying to minimise my cleavage… Maybe naked in front of strangers I’d think twice still and feel quite vulnerable, probably considering more how shocked they’d feel rather than me, but how often are you naked in front of strangers anyway!
Top tip for AFC: don’t chuck any clothes out (pre op) that you don’t think will work until you’ve tried them on backwards!”
Thank you so much wonderful Debbie – pop any comments below, or reach out to us if you have any questions (or indeed, want to share your own journey).
