To round off our August focus on breastfeeding, we have a wonderful blog, written by the lovely Katie. She shares with us her journey from mastectomy to motherhood.

My Mastectomy Did More for My Son Than Breastfeeding Ever Could 

Besides from having a high chance of developing a deadly disease due to a BRCA gene mutation, at 27 I was considerably care-free. When I made the decision to have a double mastectomy back in 2015, my only concerns were what my reconstructed breasts would look like, and what the surgery may mean for my dating life. I didn’t have any thoughts about a potential future child or how I may feed that child; the driving force behind my decision was simply to give myself the best chance of living a long and full life.  

 

In the years that followed my surgery I gradually thought less and less about it, and excellent breast reconstruction made it relatively easy to forget I’d even had a double mastectomy.  

 

However, life comes at you fast and by 2021 I was excitingly expecting my first child. The fact I’d had a mastectomy was abruptly brought back to the forefront of my mind due to countless “are you planning to breastfeed” questions and the annoyingly long breastfeeding segment at antenatal class.  

 

Whilst the questions in the lead up to Jesse’s birth were frustrating, I was steadfast in my approach of explaining openly and proudly why I would be bottle-feeding and my decision to remove my breasts. In conversations with midwives, doctors and NCT acquaintances I was sure to get my defence out early to ensure I never heard any arguments for ‘breast is best’.  

 

Has had a mastectomy – don’t ask about breastfeeding  

Beautiful baby Jesse arrived in October 2021. I’d written “Has had a mastectomy – don’t ask about breastfeeding” on the top of my birth plan and hospital notes, as however proud I am of my decision, I was sure I wouldn’t want to be explaining myself between contractions or in the golden hour after birth. The midwives that helped delivered Jesse were fantastic at honouring my request and were so helpful when it came to bottle-feeding advice.  

 

As Jesse and I were wheeled into the post-natal ward the midwife whispered, “Don’t take it personally if they ask you about breastfeeding, they’re incredibly busy”.  

  

Perhaps it was the 4-day hospital stay, sleep-deprivation, semi-lockdown ward rules or hormone crash. Or perhaps it was the team’s absolute inability to read notes and honour a simple but sensitive request, but I did take it personally!  

 

Having to defend myself against feeding questions when I was holding my brand-new baby, a baby that I’d do anything for, was exhausting. Being asked 30 times across the four most vulnerable days of my life was painful, and I really did start to wonder what I’d denied my son.  

 

Jesse’s Mama  

So now, with a completely new perspective on life, did I regret the complete removal of my breasts that caused my inability to breastfeed? F**k no! 

 

Once Jesse and I were home in our safe newborn bubble, I’d had some sleep, and cuddled my dog, I felt much stronger. I started to understand that although my breasts didn’t feed him, my body still grew him, my smell still soothed him, my voice still calmed him, and my arms were still his favourite place to be.

 

What I realised above all else was that there was something much more crucial to Jesse’s life than being breastfed, and that was having me, his Mama, here for as long as possible. 

 

Our bottle-feeding journey was so special, and I loved feeding Jesse his formula. It was heart-warming to see my husband feeding Jesse and it also allowed me some much-needed rest. I actually started to feel sorry for Mum’s that simply chose not to breastfeed and received judgement or persuasion. I felt being post-mastectomy released me from some of the guilt that women are wrongly made to feel about how they feed their children.  

All for him 

Occasionally, as someone that has had a mastectomy for preventative reasons, I feel like I should be quieter about my experiences. I don’t quite fit into the breast cancer club (which I’m grateful for) and perhaps some may even think having my ‘healthy’ breasts removed was an over-reaction.  

 

I have to remind myself that undergoing the complete removal of my breasts is a really big deal, and the harsh reality is that without comprehensive preventative measures there is a chance I may not be here. I don’t know what the future holds but what I do know is that I’ve done everything I can to ensure I’m here for as long as possible, and in comparison, how I fed my baby pales into insignificance.  

I had my breasts removed for me, 6 years later I realise it was all for him, my Jesse.  

 

For all my post-mastectomy Mama’s to be, please be reassured that all your babies want is their mum. I didn’t feel like I missed out on anything by bottle-feeding, and it certainly didn’t affect our bond.  

Jesse is now a happy, healthy and robust toddler who loves life. 

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us Katie.

If you have read our blogs this month and found them useful, please leave a comment and show the authors some love. It’s such a brave thing to put yourself out there and we are so so grateful. xxx